Hello people of the internet! I’m Ross, and I should be doing a VAT return, or sorting out the postage from today, or heck… even going to sleep. But instead I’m here to talk shit about judgmental parenting. YAY.
You might be wondering why I’m about to talk bollocks about this? But I’ve basically seen a lot of videos on TikTok from either side of the parenting world around stuff like calling your kids arseholes and things of that nature. Basically people getting called out for attempting to shame other parents for moaning about parenting.
So rather than do anything on TikTok about this sort of stuff I’m taking the “newsletter” approach instead. Mainly because I get to write my shit and fuck off without the comment section turning into a battle ground. No one has time for that shit, it’s not worth it, stop doing it, you have better shit to do. All of you.
Judgemental Parenting: Let’s talk shit
First things first, I’ll start this off by saying I genuinely don’t care about being judged as a parent. I’ve already been through the fire with it and I’m basically untrollable now so feel free to call me whatever you want.
For those that don’t know, my parenting journey got off to a rough start and I had postnatal depression. When Isabelle was roughly 4 months old, I wrote about it. You know, Ross likes to talk shit and all that.
A few months later the media got hold of it, asked if it would be ok to run the “story” and I reluctantly said yes.
And then they hit me with this headline.
Did you REALLY have to drop “I hated her” in the fucking TITLE of the article?
You ever want to get hated on as a parent, have the Wales Online - followed by the Mirror and every other media outlet - run an article where you’re quoted as hating your own child. AND THEN… Go on NATIONAL TV and do the same shit.
Look at little Isabelle though 😂
People called me a monster, I didn’t deserve to have kids, Rachel was bad for letting me near Isabelle, and the list goes on and on. I even got accused of trying to steal from women as this is exclusive to women.
But I’m not here to argue the whole “can men get PND” shit. I've done it. If you don’t think men can get it then cool, for the sake of your own sanity call it Becoming a Dad but DID NOT BIRTH THE BABY Depression. Better?
But… I wouldn’t change it for the world. Because I was only 6 months into this whole parenting thing and I already learned some super valuable shit.
Lesson one: No one truly gives a shit outside your walls
People were literally judging me on a snippet of a blog post, which in of itself was a snippet of a moment of my life. How they felt about me as a dad from that brief read made absolutely ZERO difference to how I actually was as a dad. So why should I give a shit? The majority of people probably commented because they were bored taking a shit.
They didn’t really care, they just wanted to talk shit too.
Same goes for someone judging you.
Do you really give a fuck?
When you get home and it’s just you and the family, does it matter what Susie and her thoughts on bed-sharing is? Or do you give a fuck that little old Maggie told you not to cuss around the kids because they’ll grow up swearing. Fuck up Maggie. I struggle to trick Isabelle into swearing and I love a good swear word.
Besides, why is “shit” even a swear word? Why can’t Mr. Tumble come on and go “look kids, it’s a pile of shit”.
Like would anyone actually care? It’s the word shit. It means poo. That is all. I find it literally impossible as an adult to find the offence in it. If Isabelle said “dad, I’ve just done a massive shit” I’d probably just ask if her bum is clean. You know… and laugh.
BUT…
There are words that I think are WAY worse than swear words. If I hear Isabelle call Archie an idiot I don’t like it. Or stupid. I ain’t having any of that shit. Same with this one…
You ARE vs You’re BEING…
This is a BIG one for me. And it’s something I try and be very careful with when it comes to the kids. But saying “You are…” is VERY difference to saying “You’re being…”
So saying “YOU ARE a dickhead” isn’t the same as saying “YOU’RE BEING a dickhead.”
I dare say there’s some psychological term for this, but basically a “you are” statement is implying something that the person seemingly has NO control over. Like saying “you are tall” which someone doesn’t have a say over. Meanwhile “you’re being…” implies that it’s something someone could easily change.
I couldn’t give a fuck how angry Isabelle makes me, I will never - at least to the best of my ability - say to her “You ARE an idiot”.
If I did that, I’d feel shit about myself and rightly so.
Again, on a psychological level, if you want your kids to not be dickheads, then it’s technically better that you alter it to “you’re being a dickhead”. Not that they’ll turn around and go “excellent point, father. I shall correct my ways with immediately”.
Apparently my views on this come down to phrasing 😂
Lesson Two: It’s easy to find negativity if you look for it
I’ll be honest with you, if you want negativity you’ll find it. I know I did.
If you want to find an argument then fuck me it’s easy to find one these days.
If you want to go about your business and be positive, then generally speaking, you’ll find positivity.
Will negativity still find you? Sure. Sometimes people will come about and have a moan at you, but whenever that happens these days, I generally try and be nice about it. Like if someone says “you shouldn’t call Isabelle a knobhead” I’ll either go down the “she shouldn’t act like a knobhead” route or the “Ok, thank you” route.
Generally speaking though, I can’t be arsed to argue online. I’ll hold my hand up and say I’m a worse parent when I do shit on the internet that sparks arguing. I’ve learned my lessons from my Isablog days where I’d sometimes talk shit just for the sake of it.
All I did was waste hours of a day arguing back and fore with people online for absolutely no gain when I could’ve been there interacting with my kids. Yes, sometimes discussion is good, sometimes you don’t like some shit that someone said, but ask yourself whether it’s worth the effort before you bother with it all.
Besides, we all have different levels of what’s acceptable. Even if you’re on the side of calling kids dickheads as being acceptable then you probably still have a line too. If you hear a parent go “hey you fucking shit stain waste of space moron kid. I should’ve gotten rid of you as soon as I found out as I was pregnant” then you might want to perk up and go “umm… yeah, you shouldn’t say that”.
Or would that make you judgmental?
Maybe that example is a little excessive as verbally abusing your child is different to going “ah Susie is being a right dickhead”.
So there’s a line somewhere and we all have a different one.
Moving on…
Lesson Three: If you wanna put yourself out there, be ok with being judged
People will judge you regardless of what you do. And the more you put yourself out there, the more places you go and the more people you see, the more inevitable it is that you’ll get judged.
Someone will judge me for using the word “fuck” on a business newsletter. Someone will judge me for admitting I call Isabelle a bellend. And if your a proper judgy person then you might even judge me for using “your” instead of “you’re”. I got you, you silly bastard.
But in my humble opinion, I don’t think you have to purposefully lean into it. Like you don’t have to go “HEY! I’m giving my kid an iPad! Anyone want to call me shit? Come on… someone say it so I can do a video…”
Just give your kid an iPad and crack on.
Maybe that’s just me, because I don’t really give a shit. But then I know there are plenty of people out there who are more self conscious and doubting of themselves and perhaps it helps to see other parents going “Hey! I do this and it’s ok!”
Whereas I guess now, at least where I am in life, I feel comfortable enough with what I do where I don’t feel the need to make content around it. Either that, or because I’ve been putting myself in the “public eye” for the past… 4+ years, then I’m obviously a little more ok with being judged. It’s part of the job.
Maybe if I didn’t have this business I’d do more “parenting” based content because that’s what I’d still be doing. If we didn’t start Teddy Eva Scents then I’d still be talking shit on Isablog I guess.
Like if I see someone go “I’m giving my kid cereal for dinner because I’m too tired to cook!” or “I made my kid this wonderful piece of ART for dinner using kale” then my response is usually the same:
I just don’t care how people parent.
And this has gone on WAY too long. I forget that “parenting” isn’t a fucking newsletter, it’s a book. And I could go down a million different avenues here and I’ve probably fucked this one up and haven’t really said anything as I’ve tried to be broad.
Anyway… in short… try not to judge people, practice not giving a shit about being judged. Live your life. Only worry about the opinions of the people who matter to you. Tell your kid when they’re being a dickhead. Get some sleep. Take your vitamins. And try not to waste time arguing on the internet.
Thanks for reading my rambling shite. Sorry for dragging it out.
Much love,
Ross & Rachel x
Judgmental Parenting