Hello there people of the internet! I’m Ross and I’m here to talk about some pretty weird looking characters straight from the head of yours truly. So if you like mildly inappropriate cartoon-related cock humour, then this is the newsletter for you.
If you were expecting something serious as you signed up to “business” emails, then sorry, this one is definitely not serious.
Oh… also… for the FIRST TIME EVER… there’s an AUDIO version of the newsletter. Yes. Me talking to you whilst reading. Excellent.
Introducing Some Pretty Weird Characters 👀
Before I actually show you any of the characters that I’ve designed, I will start by saying WHY I’ve designed them.
To be honest with you, designing the cockshells is proving increasingly more difficult. Whilst I might be able to come up with a name, I might struggle doing the actual design. Take Peña Colada for argument sake. That’s a nice easy one. Simply call it Peñis Colada.
I know. Genius.
BUT… now I have to design it.
So what am I going to do? Find a cock shaped pineapple? Pose naked with a pineapple? Make love with a coconut? Photoshop my naked arse onto the straw of a Peña Colada cocktail? Sure, they all sound fun. But time consuming and somewhat impractical.
Instead… Let me introduce to you a Pineapple and a Coconut about to get it on.
Yeah I’m not going to lie, that’s probably one of my favourite designs I’ve ever done. I have absolutely no idea what that says about me as a person, but there we go.
And as you can imagine, I didn’t stop there. Oh hell no.
Let me introduce to you the full range - so far - of Teddy Eva Scents inappropriate character things:
Basically, they’re all silly named characters. Like Pashung Fruit. Get it? Like Passion fruit but he’s PROPER hung. Actually too hung. He’s rather sad really as it’s just way too big and it’s really not that fun. Poor fella.
Same as Well Hung Watermelon.
Apparently the story to be learned here is that having a MASSIVE one makes life really difficult.
Rampant Rhubarb doesn’t seem to have the same problem.
But yeah… Some of these will be making an appearance in something like the Naughty Sweet Shop box. In that you’ll get Rampant Rhubarb, Titti Frutti, Cherry Chode and Cola Cock.
I’ll admit I’ve fucked up on the “Cola Cock” one as I designed and printed that before I started doing all of this. So that one looks more like this:
When/if I do it again I’ll turn a can of coke into a character and go with Cock-a-Cola. Fuck sake Ross, way to ruin the box. But a lot of what we do here is just wung.
Wung? Is that a word? Like winging it in the past test? Yeah, that’s a word, isn’t it?
People totally say “oh yeah, I wung it” don’t they 🤔
Or do they say “I just winged it”. Nah I don’t like that. I’m sticking with wung.
Yeah sorry, that was me just talking to myself.
Technically this entire newsletter is me talking to myself. I don’t even know if anyone reads this. Substack tells me that roughly 33% of you open the emails - screw you the other 64% what did I ever do to you? - but how do I know that’s real? It could all be a lie. This whole business could be a lie. How do I know people even order? Maybe it’s one rich man making loads of accounts, addresses, and credit cards and just ordering stuff. You don’t know!
If you are the rich person doing that, is there any chance you could do just one big order and then send it on from you? As that would be a lot easier if I’m honest.
I don’t really have one.
What was I saying?
Umm…
Yeah, I’m just doing cool inappropriate characters and stuff and I hope you lot think they’re cool too. Or you’ll all think they’re shit and I’ll never do them ever again and I’ll go back to photoshopping my bare arse onto trees.
And that’ll do.
Thank you for reading this cobbled together bundle of shite. I’ll catch you again.
Much love,
Ross & Rachel x
Introducing Some Pretty Weird Characters 👀