Weekly TES: Back from a week away

Restocks & rambles

Hello people of the internet! Welcome back to another edition of Weekly TES. So before I begin, feel free to sit back, grab a HOT DRINK ROBBIE AND NOT SQUASH, chill out, and spend the next 9 minutes reading this Sunday night shite. Sorry, Robbie sent an email last week asking for recognition for those that drink orange squash in lieu of hot drinks. So there we go, Robbie. Grab your bloody squash. We’ll wait, it’s fine.

Weekly TES: Back from a week away

So this past week we’ve actually been away at somewhere we tend to try and go once a year and that’s Bluestone! Here’s the evidence:

In fairness, these trips are hardly ever “holidays” as they’re not exactly relaxing. I don’t think a holiday consists of soft play at 8:30pm does it? So bedtimes went out the window and with it went 85% of our mental ability to function. To be fair, we still worked whilst away.

I say “we” there, but it was just me. Rachel isn’t as fussed on the laptop as I am. But if there was ever a tip for anyone looking to start their own business, I would say to just get into something that you enjoy.

Picking up the laptop to do some work whilst on holidays is one of those things that people tell you not to do. But if you like your job, then you’re simply partaking in your hobby, what’s wrong with that?

But yeah, I managed to get us on Etsy whilst we were there. Which we’ll likely stay on - even if they do charge silly fees. I’ll try and sort out images for the £40 mystery box we have on there, and re-sort the products. But we basically now have our stuff on Etsy, TikTok, and our own website. Fuck it, shall we get on Amazon for the shits and giggles?

Also, big up to Kath who handled the unit whilst we were away. She was suddenly dealt with me going “oh, we’re now on Etsy, hopefully the orders come through to Royal Mail ok.” Luckily it all ran smoothly and integrating Etsy to Shopify - our website - was quite easy. They simply just link, and if an order comes in via Etsy the inventory on our website adjusts and the order appears with all the Shopify ones.

“Mmm, fuck yeah Ross, talk about the logistics of it all. I’m so fucking hard and moist.”

Ha. Ha. I’m just talking bollocks. Sorry if you don’t like bollocks. Or maybe you do.

Stay on track, Ross.

I had my first cigar this week

Oh yeah, I finally got around to smoking my cigar this week. I know a couple of people said last week that the kids don’t want me to get cancer, or smell of smoke, or any of the other negative effects of smoking. But… fuck it.

Side note: this is actually a lie. I once smoked one on a boat from Newcastle to Amsterdam. Click that link if you want to read a shit, pointless blog post from 2017 when Isabelle was 4 months old. Back to this equally shit post…

I don’t plan on doing it often, and sometimes I just want to do something purely for me. Something that makes me stop, take myself away, and just attempt to give my brain an hour of peace.

I’m not really worried about the negative effects of it as I’ll compensate for that because I’m Ross and I like to go over the top.

I’ll turn this into some ritualistic thing where I’ll literally prep my body the day before by doing breathing exercises, eating healthy as fuck food, going for a run, and all that jazz. Once I’ve done it, I’ll have a nice little “post-cigar” ritual of basically having a wash - oooooo, posh twat.

At the moment, I just really love the idea of it. And life is all about finding as many things as you look forward to as possible.

Tell you what, do you know what I love about my brain that I used to hate? It’s ability to get utterly obsessed with something and then totally drop it like a 2020 social movement.

Side note: Speaking of social movements, I have almost enjoyed seeing influencers and the like get so utterly confused on whether they’re pro-Palestine or pro-Israel. Finally, something that’s incredibly complex and not straight forward. People can’t just bang up an Israel flag and be done as if they give two shits.

Back to my brain…

I think it’s something that kids do a LOT of that I see people almost make a mockery of if shown in adults. When they get FUCKING OBSESSED with something, and then their interest fades. People almost laugh at adults and go “ha! Remember when you was into X?”

What’s the issue? Why as an adult are you almost expected to be finished developing? Your interests are set, your job is set, your beliefs are set. You’re not supposed to change.

Do you know what’s fantastic about life? Just getting balls deep into as many things as possible.

Expect for women. Nope. Only go balls deep into one.

Unless you’re into “spreading love” or swinging then that’s fine. I don’t think I’d like the swinging lifestyle to be fair. Not just because it would feel like cheating, but I just couldn’t be arsed for it. Like why are you all around my house? Why is everyone making small talk when everyone is waiting for the first cock to pop out and then it begins.

Is that how it works? Like is there small talk first? A spot of “how’s work been?” and then everyone’s rimming as they attempt to recreate the human centipede? I’d be proper pissed off if I was the first to “finish” as I’d just be stood there like “can you all fuck off now as I want me kitchen back.” Unless it was held at someone else’s house, then I’d just go with the Irish exit and slip out the back. And no, that’s not a euphemism.

Thinking about it, I donno what’s worse: Finishing first or last. At least if you’re first you get to walk off and do something else. Last, and everyone’s just watching you. They’re probably bored now - or have that post nut clarity - and they’re all looking around wondering what the fuck they’re doing, whilst Gavin is there beating it in the corner.

Fuck that.

I think me and Rachel should go to an orgy just to stand together watching everyone. Would be like people watching in a cafe - which is always fun - but on another level.

Me: “Fuck me, Rach, look at his balls bouncing off her, is that what it looks like?”

Rachel: “Are you done now, can we go home?”

To be fair, I’d be paranoid someone would come up to me and go “Oh it’s you from Teddy Eva Scents!” and I’d just be stood there mid-pegging like “ah yeah, and Rachel’s over there getting railed by Gary in his gimp outfit.”

Would be proper awkward. Not doing it. Don’t invite me.

Besides, my balls only go in one place. Not that I often dip the balls in. I think it would look funny to see, but vastly impractical. It would probably hurt both of us too.

That’s not my point though… my point is… my point… fuck, what was I on about? Imaging writing all this shit in Spoons.

Oh yeah! That it’s ok to allow yourself to find a new passion, get obsessed, and then fuck off.

I donno if that GIF is me dropping a new “passion” or me leaving the orgy.

[Rachel says it sounds like I’m in a manic phase]

I joked with Rachel the other day saying that if her and the kids died - all my commitments were gone and my life completely devastated and emotionally ruined - I’d simply become a nomad.

I would almost literally change my entire identity/personality every 6-12 months. I’d pick an NFL team and go all in on them. I’d be the biggest Eagles fan ever. Move to Philly. Get an Eagle tattooed on myself, know everything about the team, buy a season ticket. The lot. Then drop it and move to Australia to become a Kangaroo farmer. 6 months later I’m Cliff, the German bartender in Dresden. Fuck it. Why not live as many lives as possible after the one I had was ruined?

I don’t think I would have the mental capacity to continue living as Ross without being somewhat suicidal. So just don’t be Ross.

Side note: This is probably not good “talking someone down” advice. If they’re on the bridge about to jump, you might not want to go “have you thought about becoming an Australian kangaroo farmer?” - maybe that’s not a job I should go into, even if I think I’d be ok at it. I’ve very nearly been there myself, but that’s another story.

As of right now though, I like the idea of cigars. I’m like a child going “oh this one is cool.” Not that I could tell you the fucking notes and flavours in the one I had. It tasted like I was smoking something. I did have a nice chilled buzz from it though. Like I was more focused and relaxed at the same time. It was actully enjoyable switching off somewhat for a little while.

If I end up dying from cancer then fuck it, I have to go somehow, right? From the studies I’ve found they’ve basically said if you smoked 1-2 a week it wouldn’t really be of concern. People probably do more damage from the overconsumption of sugar - and calories in general - than tobacco.

But don’t listen to me as I’m a clueless idiot who’s chatting shit. There’s literally risk around you 24/7 and we all partake in it in some sort. As you might be able to guess, I'm not averse to risk-taking. This entire business is a risk, so I’m already half living on the edge.

Even not doing something is in itself a risk.

Don’t get me wrong, I know my impulsivity can be dangerous. Rachel still doesn’t like the fact I convinced Isabelle that it was a good idea to sell the house and buy a mobile home. But anyway…

What have we added this week?

Oh yeah, website shit.

So since we were away this week we haven’t added a whole lot. Kath managed to pour some “sweet” based scents. Like we have:

• Percy’s Piggy Pops

• Parma Violets

• Pear Drops

• Lemon buttercream Fairy

• Rainbow Sherbet

Then we added more Pumpkins from Funk Shed - this will be the last lot, but we’ll have trees and maybe other bits soon.

And then we added more brownies. Just not as many as usual.

I will say sorry that we’re not doing all cool “Halloween” style bakery items. But we just can’t compete with people running a bakery as their full time job. We’re only able to dedicate about 5-7 hours or so a week to the brownies due to everything else, so it’s hard to find time to test. But we hope to gradually expand what we do, and perhaps one day hire a baker and put it up the unit. Right now though, it’s not worth the risk.

See, I can manage risk ok sometimes!

Oh, and 10 for £10 on Teddy Pots will end on Monday and we have a new subscription box in the works - a Teddy Pot one. Not sure when we’ll have that ready. I am going to show Instagram subscribers it all first as we look to add more “exclusive” style content to there.

Other than that, I think that’s enough for this week, yeah?

Thank you all for taking the time to read this. I appreciate all of you, even more so if you buy everything so that I can continue doing these every week.

Much love,

Ross & Rachel x