Hello people of the internet! And hello to the new people who’ve regrettably opted to get these emails. Let’s see how long you last. Nah honestly these emails are lit. I try really hard when writing and I’m very concise with what I’m saying. I even go through them at the end and edit them to make sure they’re as valuable as possible. Pfffffft… do I bollocks. Let’s go!
The Dark Masquerade Returns
As you might be able to guess from the title of the email, the main thing we’ve done this week is bring back the Dark Masquerade scents. Not only have we brought them back, but we’ve also poured THREE new ones!
Let’s see what they look like!
So these took quite a while for me to be happy with the designs, but in the end, I think they all totally fit with the Dark Masquerade vibe.
I will hold my hand up and admit that I think people will be torn on Twilight Temptations. I think it’s a proper Dark Masquerade one and smells like sexy grass.
Rachel on the other hand thinks it smells like Cwmbran toilets.
I don’t know how many of you have been to Cwmbran toilets, but generally speaking, it’s not a good way to describe a wax melt.
I never know what it is with the DM scents, but when I smell them they just have this vibe. They must all have something similar in them, or I just get gut feelings that they fit.
Oh, and we’ve even added Moonlit Masquerade as both a reed diffuser and a candle now! Plus Moonlit Majesty is a reed diffuser too. Almost like a “His and Hers” between the two of them.
Anything else this week?
Well I’ve stopped drinking proper coffee.
“No, Ross. We meant for the website.”
Oh, we added Rachel’s Crotch to the website…
Sorry that the image isn’t her actual crotch, but that’s for my eyes only. Or the occasional midwife or doctor I guess. Or anyone who was walking outside The Grange Hospital around 1am on October 20th 2021 - Teddy was born in the car.
I have told Rachel that ALL of the sales from this clamshell can be spent on her crotch. So she can have a proper fancy vajazzle or something. Do they still do them? I mean who wants to be spitting out glitter?
Nah, I said we can spend it on a date night. Surely this then counts as “marketing” and the date night can classed as a business expense?
Anyway, back to coffee. Basically I get headaches ALL the time. I’m starting to think it’s just an “adult” thing as you just get them when you’re in your 30s. Like I can’t imagine a day where I just have a regular head.
By now I’ve pretty much tried it all. I’ve done yoga, breath work, healthy eating, meditation, glasses, drinking more water, paracetamol, and god knows what else. I don’t think it’s stress related as I’m not stressed, and I even get them if we’re away and we’re outdoors more often.
So I thought I’d try a lack of caffeine. Which hasn’t been that bad in fairness. I’ve been having hot lemon water with honey, salt, and a green tea bag. Mmm sexy.
Don’t get me wrong though, the headaches aren’t that horrific, and they don’t exactly stop me from doing stuff. But they’re just annoying. And sometimes they make my eyes feel funny, as if I have to focus a little more.
Then there’s the pain I keep getting in my bum hole.
That one was a joke.
Sorry, I’m treating all of you like my doctor - not that I’ve been to the doctor about any of this as it’s not “bad enough” to go.
I’ll be honest, I have glasses but I don’t massively use them. I find them annoying. Like I don’t have them on now when I probably should. And my screen time is always high due to my job.
I’d love to have a week where I don’t look at a single screen, but I think the business would be screwed.
Personally I’m also blaming the kids. I think most people would have a headache if they just heard “Whhhahhhahhahha” many multiple times per day. Tibetan monks act hard cause they meditate in a bloody tranquil monastery. Let’s see you do it when the kids are fighting AND they want diner AND they want you to stop making dinner so you can play.
I think that’ll do for this week…
Cheers to anyone who buys Rachel’s Crotch! To be fair, £4.99 is fairly cheap. I have to buy a sodding garden for it.
That’s a joke.
In all seriousness, don’t use sex as a bargaining chip. Not that I’m going to get into that sort of area now as that could be a long newsletter on its own. Besides, no one wants that.
So instead, I’ll say a big thank you to everyone who read this far. Hope you had a good week and the weekend is even better. We’re off to watch the last episode of 3 Body Problem on Netflix.
Much love,
Ross & Rachel x