Ramble about stuff and things...

Plus stuff on the website

Hello people of the internet! I’m Ross… again, I have to stop saying that as most of you probably know. Unless you saw some sexy looking wax melts around your mates house and thought to yourself “ohhhhh I bet these buys do bang tidy emails.” And now here you are. If that’s you, then hello… This is Teddy Eva Scents.

Before I carry on, Rachel has proofread this and told me I did “an if instead of an of” somewhere in this, but I genuinely can’t be arsed to find where it is. So if you’re reading this and you suddenly go “oh, I think he meant “of” there” then that’s the one I should’ve changed. Yes, we’re professional here.

Short version:

Ramble, ramble, ramble. Natalie started with us. We’ve added pumpkins burners and Teddy Tubs to the website. Thank you for reading. Much love, Ross & Rachel x

Longer version:

Ramble about stuff and things...

Not gonna lie. I don’t know what to title these sodding emails. There’s “nothing” I really came on here to say. Sometimes I honestly just load Substack up and start smashing the keyboard to see what happens. All of a sudden I’m on 1200 words going “the fuck was that even about?” But I’m guessing the vast majority of you are used to it. After all, about 50% of our subscribers have been reading this shit for over a YEAR.

Not that all of you open these things. If you’re super pervy then we have about a 35% open rate. So if you’re reading this then you’re cooler than 65% of the people who this got sent to. Those people are dickheads. Not that they can read this. It’s actually almost impossible for anyone in that 65% to see any of this. Unless someone who opens this then print screens it and sends it to their friend who didn’t open it. Then yes, that person has now seen that I’ve called them a dickhead.

Fuck me… and I want to write a book?

Imagine 58,000 words written like this.

In all seriousness, I am 7000 words into writing the book - it’s just the spew draft so much of that is going to be shite - so we’ll see how it goes. In all honesty though, it will largely be written a little bit like this. The one thing I REALLY want for the book is for it to at least sound like me. I want you to be able to almost hear me when you’re reading it so I can feel like I’m going to live on forever by cementing part of my soul into a book.

Whether anyone actually wants to buy it is another story, but I think I’m mostly writing it for me.

Besides, I’ve worked with an editor before in my short time of writing for Today’s Parent - click here if you wanna see the three posts I did.

Part of me enjoyed working with an editor as it was the first time anyone ever critically went through my writing and asked for adjustments. Sure, Rachel proofreads these. But she doesn’t go “I think you could explore this a little more, rewrite this, take this and that out. I don’t understand what you mean here either.”

Nah… Rachel basically goes “you wrote cock instead of cook.” And that’s about it.

Which is fine as that’s all I really want from her really. But working with an editor did challenge me a bit and make me think more about what I was saying as a writer. It almost irritated the piss out of me at times as by the end of it I’d read it back and go “who the fuck wrote this?”

There’s a reason the saying “a camel is a horse designed by a committee” exists after all. In other words, if you have people poke and prod and the work you do and suggests changes, it ends up becoming something completely different. And sometimes you just have to allow someone to express themselves without altering what they’re doing.

Anyway… let’s move on…

We’ve added some things

So we’ve now added some cool looking pumpkin burners to the website. They basically look a little bit like this:

Then we’ve also topped up some of the Halloween range AND we’ve also brought back the Teddy Tubs. And if Halloween doesn’t excite you then maybe a buzzing sex toy will? As we’ve brought back the Naughty Box Slay.

Similar to the wand, but instead of a wand - we’ll have Halloween themed Naughty boxes at some point - we’ve gone with the Slay. Same sort of thing really. I mean they all kinda just go ZzzZzzZzz on you until you’ve spaffed one up the wall.

Imagine getting business emails where the “business” uses the phrase “spaffed one up the wall” haha. I like my job. I’d probably get fired for shit like this at Royal Mail.

Oh… we’ve also added normal Mystery boxes.

And Natalie has now started

So yeah… Natalie started with us yesterday so you might have your order packed by her now too. She’ll basically be on 10 hours a week kinda floating between labelling stuff and packing orders depending on what’s going on. It’s going to be interesting to see how we manage to find work for 3 people at the unit, but then we do have the calendars to work on putting together soon.

It is kinda mental that I now have to send payroll off for FOUR people.

Plus me and Rachel.

Don’t get me wrong, me and Rachel’s wage is easy. Rachel gets £0 per month. Biggest bargain I’ve ever had. And I just get £992. Mines easy as there’s no tax or NI shit to sort out. So when we run payroll now we basically pay everyone, then pay HMRC the tax stuff and then input the pensions.

Did you need a paragraph about payroll? Fuck sake, Ross. Know when you shut up.

But yeah… it is kinda stressful taking an extra person on.

I think every time the business “grows” I get that added bit of pressure of “don’t fuck this up.”

And the more you feel that sort of pressure the more you doubt everything that you do. Like part of me will go “hmmm… Ross, should you really swear in a business newsletter? After all, 9500 people will get sent this and you don’t want to piss anyone off and lose people because of something you’ve said and then it effect everyone else?”

But fuck it.

I’m guessing if you’re reading this then you kinda know what you’re in for, right?

Like imagine Pornhub going “oh shit, we’re the 10th most visited website in the WORLD. Maybe we should stop posting videos of people spaffing up the wall.”

Ha! Managed to tie in spaffing up the wall again. Win for me.

But yeah… I guess you see my point? The more you grow, the more you doubt yourself.

Unless it’s a penis. Ha.

Or is it that saying “the bigger they are the harder they fall” - I guess that applies to businesses too.

That’ll do then…

So yeah, sorry for rambling away at you for that long. I did mean for this one to be a quick one. I bet you’re all sat there going “imagine Rachel’s face when Ross asks if you want a quickie.”

No? No one thought that? Oops.

Thanks for reading.

Much love and thank you for all being here!

Ross & Rachel x