One about stuff and things...

I don't know how to title these...

Hello people of the internet! It’s been a fun week, hasn’t it? Unless you’re Liz Truss. I mean she’s probably had better weeks. Not gonna lie, I wouldn’t exactly call myself an “expert” on the economy, but even I know giving rich people a little bit more of a tax break whilst increasing borrowing and shafting anyone on a lower income is a bad thing for the economy. But what the fuck do I know.

Don’t even get me started on this shit as we all know I could write a 2000 word newsletter on what I’d do to fix this country. Some of it would be bollocks, some of it would be bloody common sense. But less be honest, of all the unlikely things that could happen over the next 2 years, Ross for Prime Minster is highly unlikely.

Anyway…

One about stuff and things...

Honestly, I’m proper shite at writing sexy titles for these newsletters. They’re supposed to be enticing in order to almost trick you into thinking it’s worth reading. I’d almost rather do the opposite. I should start calling them “don’t open this one, it’s shit” and see what happens.

Highest open rate ever.

Nah, for what it’s worth, about 30-40% of you actually open these things. Which is actually higher than the number of people who watch the TikTok videos to the end. That number is between 15-30%. Which is mental. Sometimes it drops to like 50% after the first 5-10 seconds. Which almost makes you feel good knowing thousands of people almost instantly went “nah, fuck this.”

Anyway… stay on track, Ross.

Where exactly is the track?

Good point.

Yeah…

So it’s the usual thing from me on a Friday… kinda… usually I come here all like “hey yo! We’ve added some stuff to the website” but this Friday we haven’t really added that much. In our defence, we’ve actually sent a LOT of the advent calendars. And without sounding like one of those wankers that go “BUY NOW OR MISS OUT!” I do have to say that we don’t have that many left. Maybe 20-25.

Don’t worry, if/when they sell we will list more, but we’ll have to see what we have available in terms of the pots. I think we can make more, but we’ll see.

Do you like sniffing Petrol?

I know… bit of a random question to drop into the middle of a newsletter. But we’ve added a new weird wax melt to the website, and this time it’s Petrol!

No shit, Ross. I guessed that from the subheading.

Anyway… it’s free, if you don’t like it I will refund you it. No questions asked. You don’t even need to ask and I’ll refund you it. You know… cause it’s free

If we run out we will get more, don’t worry.

Do you like the colour purple?

Another random question, I know.

This one might be a bit harder to talk about as I’m currently sat in Weatherspoons writing this, and I’m well aware that my laptop is on show and I’m about to talk about purple dildos and pleasure balls.

Don’t worry, Weatherspoons has probably seen worse.

But we’ve made a “Naughty” box based around the colour purple. Don’t ask me why, ok? I probably sat there going “Oh… Purple dildo! That’s cool!” and then did a purple box. Genius. Here’s an image for all of Weatherspoons to see.

Quick…

I can’t scroll down yet.

Jeez.

Just press enter lots, Ross.

Is it gone yet?

Nope.

Keep going.

Right, we’re safe.

Sorry about that, but literally all anyone could see was a bunch of purple dildos on my laptop and me casually drinking a coffee. I’ve done worse.

Anything else?

Umm… probably.

Maybe.

There’s a Naughty Witches box.

Oh yeah, we added a load more bath bombs. Like scary Halloween ones. Ooooooooo

And I’m not sure if I’ve mentioned that we added candles to the website? Like normal ones. We even have shit ones like Fresh Linen. We will try and keep adding to the candle range; at the moment we have Fresh Linen, Lemongrass & Lime, and then Autumn Leaves. We do plan on making Christmas ones soon, we promise.

We have more burners in stock. And we have more coming. But we have cauldron ones, more Santa and Snowmen ones.

That’s about it…

As usual, thank you for reading. Like genuinely. I know people give a passing “thank you” all the time, but really like: THANK YOU. The country feels bleak as fuck if you follow the news these days. It’s either energy, cost of living, interest rates or some other miserable shit. I almost miss covid. It’s going to be a rough year for pretty much everyone - unless you were previously on the 45% tax bracket and now you only pay 40% - and all I can do is try my best and hope we’ll be alright.

Whatever happens though, I’ll still be here chatting shit. This newsletter is recession-proof as it requires no money to run, only time. So even if the business fails, the mortgage is unpayable and we collectively live in a big bin, I can at least talk shite at you.

Silver lining, hey.

But nah… hopefully it’ll all be fine and the conservatives will steer us all into great happiness.

Much love,

Ross & Rachel x