What’s up people who open emails of strangers. I’m Ross and it’s 9:40pm on Sunday night so let’s quickly bash this one out so we can get to bed.
Oh shut up.
Five Years of Being a Father
So yeah… I’ve now been “celebrating” Father’s Day for 5 years. I say “celebrating” because it’s not exactly something I celebrate. I don’t really like Father’s Day all that much. Although I’m not a massive fan of Birthday’s, Christmas, Easter, Pancake Day, Boxing Day, New Year’s, Sundays, days above 23°c…
I know… I’m a bundle of fun really, aren’t I?
But… in all seriousness, I don’t see what I do as a father as anything worth celebrating.
It’s literally my moral and legal responsibility to take care of Isabelle, Archie and Teddy. I extend that to Ralph, Elsie, Rex and the rabbits too. If someone comes to live under my roof, then I feel like it’s my duty to protect and support them.
Ah man, I feel like a proper old school “man” saying that shit, don’t I?
Next I’ll be saying stuff like “when you live under my roof you live by my rules!”
Don’t panic, I’m not quite that bad.
But I think that was part of the reason I felt so shit about Ralph. It’s my job to protect him and when his back went I felt like I failed. I know I couldn’t have really done anything about it, and of course things turned out fine, but I still felt like I failed at the one thing I was supposed to do.
I take pride in going “don’t worry, I got this” and being the one to try and carry the family on my back. I want to do that. I don’t know why, but I do.
I guess a part of me feels the same with the business. Like I feel responsible for everyone - Jenny & Kath - who works for us. They’ve come under our roof, so to speak, and it’s my job to take care of them.
Not that they have to follow my rules. In all honesty if I ever had to tell Jenny off for something she’d probably shout at me and send me to bed early. I probably have very little authority with Jenny as she feels like the “mother” of the business. Even if she is only… 6 years old than me? But I think it’s a maturity thing.
Anyway…
It’s been a wild 5 years
Considering my “becoming a dad” thing started with me genuinely regretting it and ALMOST wanting to leave, I feel like I’ve come a long way. Being a dad was something I always wanted to be, then it was the last thing I ever wanted to be. Now it’s something I’ve done three times over. And if Rachel has her way we’ll probably have another.
Don’t panic, she tested negative and no, we’re not “technically” trying.
As in she’s on the pill.
Would I have another one though? Umm…
I mean not yet like.
If Rachel turned around and said she was pregnant I’d be a bit like “do you want to just buy a bus at this stage?” and I’d just roll with it.
To be fair, Isabelle likes looking after her baby, so a real one would be fine, right?
Doubts as a parent
I think the hardest thing about being a parent is that constant doubt that’s always lurking. Am I doing it right? Did I fuck this up? Why are they all shouting, did I do something wrong?
I think I’ve come to learn that you just can’t get it right anyway. And that there isn’t really a “right” anyway. Books and wanky dick head parents might have you believe that there’s a right way to do things, but there’s not. I dare say the kids should be in bed at 10pm on a Sunday night before school tomorrow, but are they up watching Disney+ so I can finish this? Yes, yes they are.
I know I’m not the perfect parent, and I’m 100% learning that.
But I try my best to make sure everyone in this house is ok.
I’d literally give up everything that I could possibly ever want on a personal level just to make sure they’re all ok.
So on that level, I know I’m not a bad parent. Every time I doubt what we do I quickly tell myself to shut the fuck up. I’m trying my best, I’m learning as I go, and sometimes I think we all put far too much on ourselves to be picture perfect.
So yeah…
In all seriousness these fuckers REALLY need to get to bed cause it’s gonna be some mad shit getting them awake in the morning.
Thank you for reading this cobbled together bundle of shite, but I felt like I wanted to write “something” and this is what came out. Sometimes it’s a solid 3/10 newsletter, sometimes it’s a nice 7/10. Fuck knows what this is.
But thank you for being here. You do you when it comes to parenting and don’t let anyone else make you feel like shit. If they try, then it’s probably because they’re riddled with unchecked self doubt and don’t know how to handle it.
Much love,
Ross & Rachel x